A Reason for Fighting
by orpheneritus
Summary: ‘Yuushi,’ he whispers. ‘We can’t stay here, it’s… a love motel.’


A Reason for Fighting by orpheneritus

Gakuto isn't sure what to do.

He doesn't know the person sitting in front of him. He doesn't know a Yuushi who has no words, a Yuushi who cannot smile, raise his eyebrow or make an inappropriate joke. He kneels beside his partner and holds the towel out to him, but Yuushi makes no response.

He waits, the towel still grasped in his hands, resting uselessly on his lap as Yuushi drips from all his angles. The sound of the droplets striking the floor the only sound between them. Getting louder and louder until it fills Gakuto's ears and he almost misses the sounds that Yuushi utters. 

'Gakuto?' Yuushi says eyes guarded by his dripping hair.

'Yes?'

'Would you leave with me if I asked you too?' Yuushi asks, his hands clenching his soaked jeans, squeezing the water from the heavy fabric.

'Leave for where?' he replies uncertainly.

Yuushi's gaze snaps to his, eyes bloodshot and a little swollen. 'Does it matter. Wouldn't it be enough that we were just going somewhere.'

'Of course,' Gakuto jumps in. 'Of course it would be enough.'

He tries to lay his hand on top of Yuushi's, but the other boy moves his hands away and he doesn't know if he should anymore.

'So… would you go? If I asked?' Yuushi's looking out the window into the rain, but whatever it is he sees, Gakuto can see nothing but the lights of the buildings beyond.

Gakuto unfolds the towel and shifts closer. He wraps the towel over Yuushi's head and starts to squeeze the water from his hair. 'I would,' he replies his voice only a little unsteady.

Yuushi's hand grasps his wrist and squeezes, he knows he said the right thing and the pain in his chest eases a little. Yuushi pushes the towel back and pulls him closer. 'Then let's go.'

'What? When?'

'Right now.'

Gakuto shakes his head. 'Yuushi it's raining, it will be dark soon—'

'You said you would…'

It's quiet between them. 'I will,' Gakuto replied. 'I am.' He stands up and looks around his room. Grasping his school bag by the bottom he upends it on the bed. He grabs a pair of jeans and a spare shirt for himself and a set of sweat pants for Yuushi… the only pair that might fit him. 'Yuushi, what else should I take?'

The other boy shakes his head. 'Nothing. Money if you have it.'

Gakuto feels the heat rise to his cheeks. 'I don't really—'

'Sorry,' Yuushi interjects. 'I didn't mean to…'

'Don't worry… what did you bring?' he asks looking doubtfully at Yuushi.

'Nothing. Money.'

Gakuto feels a little relieved, then a little guilty. 'Don't you want—'

'I want to change everything, Gakuto… everything but you.'

Yuushi looks a little wild. Gakuto has never seen him angry, never seen him sad, nothing but calm and cool. He isn't sure what to do, so he does what Yuushi says.

They walk to the station. They're both soaked by the time they get there. He has water running down the back of his hoodie, soaking the waistband of his jeans. He doesn't complain, Yuushi is walking so quickly he doesn't have the breath too.

He's surprised when Yuushi buys the train tickets. One way to Osaka. The amount of money is outrageous and he almost stops Yuushi, but his face is too serious… Yuushi is serious.

Usually he's not.

Yuushi falls asleep on the shinkansen not long after they pull away from the station. His long legs stretch out in front of him and his dark head falls to the side. Gakuto waits another five minutes before pulling out his phone and dialling his mother. He leaves her a message.

He feels a bit bad over the details he's excluding. His mum may not be the most together single mum, but she would be worried if she knew where he was heading. He puts the phone on vibrate just in case she calls back.

Looking out the window he sees that Yuushi is awake, his reflection looking back at him. 'I'm sorry, Yuushi,' he whispers.

Yuushi nods, then turns to rest on his shoulder. 'You sleep too Gakuto,' he says roughly.

And although he doesn't feel too much like sleeping he closes his eyes and does what Yuushi says.

In Osaka the skies are clear of rain and clouds, the lights at the tops of the skyscrapers shining false stars. Shivering he follows Yuushi through the crowds of inebriated salarymen. It is more than twenty minutes before he realises that Yuushi isn't aimlessly wandering, that the other boy knows his way around and is pulling him towards a destination.

The food market is packed with stalls, patrons squeezed in side by side down the aisle. Aromas wafting in from all sides. His stomach growls and for the first time all night. Yuushi grins for the first time that night.

'Let's eat here. They make good okonomiyaki.'

Yuushi leans over to talk to the man, the dull roar of the crowd drowning his words. Before long their food is sizzling on the hot plate.

Gakuto drowns his with extra mayonnaise. Yuushi shakes his head. 'That's a crime,' he replies with a smile.

He's so happy that Yuushi has been smiling he slaps a little more on, even though there is more than enough.

Slipping into the crowds of after work revellers they have a few drinks, making friends along the way, caught up in the never ending roll of good cheer and drink.

He's on his fourth beer when Yuushi clumsily grabs for his crotch. Gakuto laughs and pushes Yuushi's hands away. The salary men poke fun at them. Yuushi for mistaking him as a girl and Gakuto for looking too much like one. He smiles and laughs to, but between them theirs is no joviality, only the slight blush of embarrassment and the acknowledgement of the mutual feelings they rarely speak of.

He is a little drunk. Stumbling through the streets of Osaka at half past one in the morning, supporting Yuushi, who is equally drunk.

'Gakuto.' Yuushi stumbles. 'Gakuto stop. We're staying here.'

'What? Where?' he asks.

Yuushi grabs him by the shoulders and turns him around to face the bright neon sign.

His face is probably a similar shade of pink.

'Yuushi,' he whispers. 'We can't stay here, it's… a love motel.'

Yuushi's arms glide around his sides an embrace from behind. 'I know.'

He feels too hot, to constrained. 'Yuushi, we can't…' but he knows that he will, if it's what Yuushi wants.

They've had sex twice, never with penetration… Their sex is stolen, quiet and uncomfortable. Their clothes mostly on, their movements hindered by their hiding space, their sounds muted by self restraint or clothing.

They don't have grownup sex. On a bed, in a motel, clothes all off, moaning pleasure and… things going inside of other things. Gakuto shakes his head. 'Yuushi,' he begs wordlessly.

'Come on Gakuto, don't you want to?'

He shakes his head, but Yuushi is already pulling him through the entrance.

He might die. He can't even look up in case someone is there. His hand is sweating, but he doesn't let go of Yuushi.

'Gakuto… there's no one here. This is the private check-in'

He shakes his head.

'I'm serious,' Yuushi replied. 'You check in on the computer.'

'Yuushi…'

'So pirate room, or underwater room?'

Gakuto flushes deeper.

'How about the S&M room? A little tethering—'

'Yuushi!' he protests pulling his arm free from his partner and trying to run from the building.

Yuushi catches him easily, his arms wrapping around his shoulders tightly holding him in place. 'Gakuto. Gakuto,' he whispers. 'Sorry… I'm being an asshole.' Yuushi's voice is strained thin, as if the last few hours of joviality were only surface water sliding free at the first tilt.

Gakuto nods unsteadily.

'I want to. I want to stop… stop hiding from each other. Don't you?'

'I'm not hiding from you,' he replies.

'Okay.' Yuushi leads him back to the check-in. 'Deluxe suite it is. We get a free breakfast.'

'I don't want free breakfast, Yuushi…'

Yuushi nods his head, 'You might feel differently in the morning.'

His partner pulls his hand away and pulls out his wallet. As the credit card flashes by his face, he notices the name.

Gakuto grabs Yuushi's wrist. 'What the fuck, Yuushi,' he hisses twisting the card from his partners grip. 'That's your father's credit card.'

Yuushi's smile drops from his face and he is once again a person that Gakuto doesn't know. 'Give it,' Yuushi orders.

Gakuto shakes his head. 'He'll find out Yuushi. He's going to notice a twelve thousand yen deficit on his visa.'

Yuushi grabs his wrist and twists the card from his grip roughly, then swipes the card through the machine. 'He already knows, Gakuto.'

The mood between them is suddenly strained. Gakuto can't stop the words, he knows, from repeating over and over again in his head. Gakuto doesn't know what to do, so he follows Yuushi silently to their room.

Gakuto sits on the bed while Yuushi grabs a couple of towels from the bathroom.

Yuushi tosses the towel and it lands on his head. 'When did he find out?'

Yuushi sits beside him, but is looking away. 'Last night.'

Gakuto shakes his head. 'I don't get it,' he replies. 'I wasn't even over last night.'

Then he gets it.

Gakuto squeezes his eyes shut. Crying right now would be really stupid.

'I'm sorry.'

For a few moments he can't say anything and he's failed in his attempts to not cry. His eyes watering up in betrayal. 'Why am I even here, Yuushi, why if you were already… f-fucking someone. Why isn't it them?'

'No, no, no, Gakuto,' Yuushi pleads kneeling down in front of him. 'There's no one else I would have here but you. It's just me and you.'

'Then who…'

'It was a junior in my dad's company. He was going to let me…' Yuushi flushes and stumbles over his words. 'He said he'd let me bugger him,' he finishes quietly.

It's his fault. '…because I wouldn't.'

'No.' Yuushi snaps pulling his face forward. 'Because I didn't want to totally fuck up and hurt you. I thought that if I tried it out on him I'd know what to do… What not to do. I thought that if I knew what I was doing you'd be less… less scared.'

'I am,' Gakuto sighs. 'Scared.'

'Me too, Gakuto. Me too. If I hurt you…' Yuushi shakes his head ruefully. 'Do you believe me at all?'

And he does. Because Yuushi's intentions at the best of times are always misguided. 'He nods and Yuushi's face is relieved. 'Did it help?'

'Didn't happen, we got caught.'

'Oh… How caught?'

Yuushi smiles tersely. 'Very caught. My fingers were…' Yuushi gestures suggestively.

'Oh.' Gakuto can't help but laugh a little.

'It's not funny. I'm fucked,' Yuushi replies, but not without some amusement.

'Was he pissed?' Gakuto asks sliding down onto the carpet to sit beside his friend.

'I'm not to leave the house.'

'Oops.'

'Hang out with my friends.'

'Whoops.'

'Or indulge in deviant behaviours…'

With a smile Gakuto climbs into Yuushi's lap. 'What kind of deviant behaviours?' he asks innocently.

'Kissing…'

Gakuto places a small kiss on the indents of his lips.

'Fondling…'

Yuushi's hands slide under his shirt and Gakuto lets him pull it over his head.

His partner smiles. 'He didn't say it but he probably frowns on blowjobs to…'

Gakuto slaps him lightly. 'You've not been good enough,' he replies.

'No,' Yuushi replies. 'But you have…'

'Yuushi…'

'Gakuto, want to take all your clothes off and I want to have sex with you. I want to see every part of you and I'll probably lick it too. Do you want to?'

His breath is short. 'You're too… direct, Yuushi, it's embarrassing.'

'Only because I want you to know what I mean.'

Gakuto shakes his head. 'I'm still scared.'

Yuushi stands up and pulls him up onto the bed. 'I know, and I'm not…. You should do me.' Yuushi pulls a pack of condoms and a couple sachets of lube from his jacket pocket and tosses them on the bed.

'God Yuushi, how many condoms did you bring?'

'Ten.'

'…'

'I didn't figure we'd actually use them all or anything…. Say yes, Gakuto. It's time.'

He nods, gaze fixated on the colourful arrangement of condoms. 'It's time,' he echoes. 'Don't make fun of me.'

'Never,' Yuushi replies pulling his shirt over his head.

Gakuto runs his hands over Yuushi bared chest and knows he would never tire of the sight. He smiles at his partner as his hands pause at Yuushi's waistband. Yuushi's hard and it gives him some confidence. It's the best feeling in the world, to know that Yuushi wants him.

'Gakuto?'

He stills.

'After this,' Yuushi murmurs. 'I mean tomorrow, when my father shows up.' Yuushi pulls him closer and their lips meet hotly. 'We are going to have to fight.'

His fists tighten briefly, but he nods.

'I'm going to fight for you, Gakuto. Will you fight for me?'

He rests his head against his partner's chest and hears the racing heartbeat beneath the skin. 'I'm no good at words, Yuushi, but I promise that I will never listen to anyone who tells me to let go of you.'

Yuushi's chest falls sharply with the release of his breath, arms wrap around Gakuto tightly.

'I'll fight, Yuushi. I'll fight for you.'


End file.
